Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize