You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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