sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
