too bad you live with your parents still
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
