Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
