does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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