Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
