doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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