Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
