Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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