I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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