corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
