is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
