Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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