How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
