took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
