i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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