Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
