she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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