WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
