I skipped work to stalk him.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
