Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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