I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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