And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
