My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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