i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
