At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
