I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize