listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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