The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
