I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
