It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize