Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
