would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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