i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
