All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry about my life...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
