I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
