At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
