apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Farmville is her only friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize