i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
