Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
