saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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