smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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