my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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