So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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