My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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