I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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