He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
