I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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