so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
His hands were made for my vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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