Im at strip club and am horny
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
