Dual....:-)
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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