He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
