chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
