So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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