First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
