I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
