We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
