Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
