ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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