worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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