I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
