btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
