If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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