Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
