does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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