i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
