Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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